Earlier this week, unexpectedly, my computer stopped. Just like that. I swear I did nothing. You have to understand, if I knew I did something wrong I would own it. In fact, it would make me sleep easier if I just knew WTF happened!!! But noooooooooooooo. I did everything, powered off about 100 times, changed power pack, dusted the cables, begged ‘pleasepleaseplease-omgomg-this-is-NOT-happening‘, pressed the forbidden reset button over and over, I even
kicked gently nudged the big box. Anything to get something to blink or whirr….. nothing, nada.
Finally placed a desperate call to my legendary computer dude and told him of my disaster. Sounds like the motherboard had failed (I now refer to it as the mother f@%ker board) I gave up. I let go…. yeah so what, I cried. Big deal. I have a heart. This big baby has served me well. But I can’t help but feel betrayed that she left me. Just like that. Without saying goodbye. Pfft. (I just had an external hard drive drama recently. Thank the holy mother of all things technical that I backed my important shizz up. I’m a safety girl) So I allowed myself a day of self pity, a day of ‘letting go’.
Next day, new day, still sad, but a little excited. I had a plan you see. I knew that my computer was due for an upgrade. I’ve always had a dream, a dream that one day I will be totally MAC-arized. Yes my friends, the time has come. Unfortunately slightly early in my budget plan. In fact, a lot earlier than I had anticipated… surely the kids and I can survive on bare rations for the next few
weeks months? I mean, do we really need to have electricity, fancy food, petrol, running water?
I still have to order/purchase new Mac (and break the news to my darling Mick)… soon…tomorrow maybe. Big purchases really make me nauseous. Always have. The day I paid for my fancy camera & lens, I threw up. Spending big bucks increases my ‘forever there Mothers Guilt‘ to maximum status. Gut churning.
So yesterday I packed away my camera and decided to have a forced break. I feel lost. I’m not bored, there is plenty to do around here. But who wants to clean? I’m not ready for that just yet. So my brain starts thinking of all the things that I could be doing right now. My ‘want’ list is getting longer by the hour. My ‘too do when Mac arrives‘ list is anxiety inducing! I try to distract myself…. I jump on line, I want to buy something to make myself feel better….NO!!! I must control. Be strong. I must become a penny pinching tightarse because of Macbeast….. life is so unfair. Can’t even look forward to that flipflop of excitement when the delivery dude knocks on my door with that online order I had all but forgotten (oh that’s right, the chicken shaped microwave egg cooker that I couldn’t live without 3 weeks ago…… alrightly then) Can’t shop, can’t edit, can’t even fake plan family holiday because that whisper of ‘maybe‘ has been violently converted into a very loud NO. So what do I do? I blog about it. Already I feel better. Thanks for listening… hey, in the next week or so I will have a shiny new Mac. Oooooh that makes me so happy. Yeah yeah, so what, who needs fake holidays, chicken egg cookers, running water, food. It will be soooo worth it in the end. Feeling very zen and looking on the bright side. In fact I feel so good right now, I might even go and clean something…… after I get through this level on Candy Crush… and maybe squeeze in one tiny episode of Breaking Bad….
…….. and thank you Ryan. He’s so good to me 🙂